COME TO MY DOOR
COME TO MY DOOR
When Janis Ian’s song came out in 1967, I was five, a knock-kneed little bird of a girl. Janis was 15. Her song, “Society’s Child,” brought her hate mail and death threats. I’m often baffled by the world. Where does all this hate come from, all this exclusionary crap? In my writing career, I’ve met amazing people, good-hearted, loving people. They didn’t follow some yellow brick road to happiness. There were no kumbaya experiences. One friend, a child slave, was ripped out of his mother’s arms at age 7. For the next seven years, he was brutally beaten, tortured, starved and raped. When he escaped; he didn’t go on a revenge mission. He went to school, earned an MBA, worked to rescue other children. To this day, his organization Challenging Heights has saved hundreds if not thousands of children from slavery.
My life hasn’t been all peace love and understanding either. Yes, I come from a good home with loving parents, but I had no special protection.
Evil first found me amidst the sounds of waves breaking against the shore. It found me in Newport Beach, on a perfectly bright, sun filled day as I bounced my volleyball on 26th street. Evil first found me at age six but would find me many more times after that.
I am an ordinary girl who’s had an extraordinary life. 95% of those I’ve met are honest, loving, good people, but crap happens. It even happens to me. (I’ve been battered, assaulted, raped, robbed, betrayed by partners, crushed by the suicide of my beloved grandmother & a close friend. I’ve had my heart shattered into microscopic pieces at a time I lacked coping skills. I hid behind anti-anxiety meds, got addicted, made some terrible mistakes, attempted suicide myself and went to rehab several times before getting it right.)
The takeaway, I learned to love people even more. I also learned to love myself. I even explored the idea of a higher power/God. I had been an atheist most of my life. That took a lot of weight off my shoulders. I’d failed at playing god myself. Even so, even with my newfound spirituality, sobriety, positive coping skills, nothing fell into place. My pride and joy, my youngest daughter, cut me out of her life altogether. I send her to love each and every day. When the pain is unbearable, I spend time giving back to others. Helping others lifts me up.
I believe we have a choice. We can waste our days complaining, spreading hate; or live fully by sharing love, compassion, tolerance. We can inspire others to do the same. I understand your loss. I empathize with your pain. I care. We all matter!
Sending light and love.
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