Faith, Hope & Love
Atheist since the age of three, I’d long settled into a comfortable routine. There was no desire to find “God,” no reason to even look. I’d concluded that “religious” people had either a defect of character or an off gene. They were needy and weak. I was my own mother/father/friend. I didn’t need fallacy. Problems happen. That’s life. I was perfectly capable of researching solutions then applying them. Understand, this was not a turning away from God. Nor was it a broken relationship. I was not a recovering “church goer.” I’d rejected Him before understanding the concept of Faith. Then with mind closed, I’d refused to read, listen to or watch anything that might educate me otherwise. I built a wall 12 feet high, composed of carbon steel and I slammed the door shut. Yes, there was a door, but we’ll get to that later.
Crash. Down it went. I lived in a self-imposed prison. I lived in fear of the outside world. Yet, in my cage I knew evil. I wasn’t alone. This was no garden. As a child, I was brutalized and the wounds stuck. I carried my pain in a sack that grew exponentially throughout the years. Even so, I didn’t consider God. Satan got no further respect. I disbelieved both equally. I only accepted what I’d seen, felt or tasted. I existed with the bitterness that had been impressed on my heart and I didn’t even to dare hope that life could be more than just that, a waste.
So with steadfast determination, I muddled my existence. There were two paths in front of me and I veered off road. This led to worse chaos, and indescribable pain. (It was a complete crash/burn job) I was completely lost alone, creeping along on the bottom of life. Then something changed. I’d be lying if I said I knew what. I have no idea. Somehow, some way, in my agony…I bumped the door and it cracked open a tiny bit. There is no metaphor in this, nor illusion. There weren’t angels, or rainbows…nothing of the sort. After 50 years of no God. Suddenly there was God and every day since I wake up and remind myself that God exists. It took a while. I had doubts, but my Faith grows stronger and stronger each and every day. What a blessing. What freedom I have. I no longer had to drag that sack behind me. The weight had been lifted and I see God everywhere and in everything I do. My life has been redeemed. I found the meaning of happiness, love and peace.
“God is here, right now, at our side. We can see him in this mist, in the ground we’re walking on, even in my shoes. His angels keep watch while we sleep and help us in our work. In order to find God, you have only to look around.”
― Paulo Coelho, By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept
Love and light ~Sheree
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